


Please read my story lol

by CodyIsMyBoi



Category: Sword Art Online, Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 12:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21427960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CodyIsMyBoi/pseuds/CodyIsMyBoi
Summary: plz beta this its been so longIDK so basically Kirito suffers from crippling depression after sao and alo and it bad my dudes. I wrote this in my 2 hour chem period while i was supposed to be studying so dont blame me if its a wee bit rushed and, well, trash. that is why ive reached out to you :DDDDyeah ok but please i am desperate
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Please read my story lol

**Author's Note:**

> plz comment and tell me everything and what i should change and who i should ship and if i should continue or let it die.

“Kirito~”

He winced at the voice, the images behind his eyelids blurring together into a swirl of colors.

“Kirito-Kun!”

“Wake up!”

Heavily, he lifted his head from the table and slit his eyes open, looking around. 

“...Hmm?” He rubbed the remaining sleep from his eyes with a fist, and through the messy hair that had fallen in his face, he could see Klein’s smug face staring at him. The rest of the room they were in came into view a moment later, the elfish faces of Leafa, Asuna, and Lisbeth watching them with different expressions varying from concern to amusement.

They were having one of their common get-togethers in ALO. When they had found a nice cafe Klein highly recommended, they spent the day catching up with one another, exchanging stories and jokes and at some point, Kirito had drifted from the conversation and to sleep with no one noticing until a couple of minutes later. 

“Aw,” He cooed, and Kirito glared at him. “Sleepy-Kiri~”

“Shut up,” Kirito grumbled and stretched, sitting up as the girls giggled at him.

“I wish I had the ability to fall asleep in the middle of a conversation,” Klein continued. “Imagine how well-rested I’d be.” Asuna punched his shoulder and he yelped, pouting at her. 

“That hurts…” He whined. Asuna ignored him, turning gentle eyes to Kirito who had zoned out yet again. 

“Kirito-Kun, what's wrong?” She asked, concerned. Lately, she’d noticed how reserved he’d become, the dark bags under his eyes growing larger each day. The hell that was SAO had passed and he had saved her from Sugou in ALfheim Online. They were finally free. Free to be together, just like they had promised. And they were- physically, Kirito and Asuna were finally together.

The only problem was that Kirito wasn't there. 

After she had been awakened, everything seemed like it was actually gonna be ok for a while, but the more time they spent in the presence of each other, the more Kirito seemed to retreat into himself. His once bright, lively eyes dulling, glazing over with painful memories and distressing thoughts. 

It pained her that he didn't confide in her about what he was going through, but she trusted him. She would wait for him.

“I'm fine,” He said, a repeat of so many other times when anyone asked how he was doing when it was so clear that he was anything but fine. 

She smiled at him anyway. She would wait. He would come to her, all in due time. 

Kirito brushed the dark bangs from his face as he stood, only for them to fall back into place. He stretched his arm's above his head and yawned, kicking Klein’s shin as the man tried to stick a finger in his mouth. 

“Try that again and I’ll bite that finger off,” Kirito warned, and Klein chuckled, raising his hands in surrender, murmuring ‘grumpy’ under his breath. 

“Don't think he’s joking…” Liz informed, a mischevious smile on her face. 

Kirito nodded at her, face set into an exaggeratedly serious expression that sent the girls into another fit of giggles.

He looked away from them, the smallest of smiles gracing his features, and as forced as it was Asuna was glad to see him smiling at all. 

“I think that’ll be enough action for me today,” He announced, and Sugu and Asuna glanced at each other. 

“What action? The most exciting thing that's happened today is watching you drool all over the counter,” Klein whined, not ready to let his friend get away so easily. 

“Exactly,” Kirito answered, pulling up the log out butting in the game menu. “Too much action for me.”

“Says the one who beat SAO single-handedly,” Klein grumbled, and Kirito’s eyes flashed, flitting to him and then Asuna nervously before giving what he hoped was a nonchalant shrug. 

“What can I say? Getting old, I guess” He said, voice strained. Without waiting for a response, he pushed the log out button and a second later he was gone.

Everyone was silent for a moment, staring at where Kirito had been standing just seconds before, and it was broken by Klein slamming his mug down onto the table. 

“I hate it,” He growled heatedly, and the others didn't need him to explain to know what he meant. 

“Leafa, maybe you could go check on him?” Asuna suggested, and Leafa pulled up her menu to follow her brother. 

“He never does let me in his room, and when I go in any way he never talks to me, just lays there.” She said mournfully. “I'll try my best, though.”

“Please. And tell us how he's doing,” Asuna called right before Leafa was gone as well. 

Asuna felt her eyes sting with tears and she turned to Klein, who stood to hug her. He rested his head on top of her, rubbing her back comfortingly. 

“We’ll get him back, Asuna-san.

“He’ll come back to us.”

……

“Kazuto-Kun?”

Suguha knocked on her brother’s door, the corridor completely dark as it was quite late at night. 

“I know you're in there, can I come in?” Still no answer. She sighed and slowly pushed the door open, peeking inside before entering and quietly pushing the door closed behind her. Her eyes fell immediately on Kazuto’s still form, lying in bed on top of the covers. If it wasn't for the sparse, barely visible rise and fall of his chest. 

“Onii-chan, I-” She cut herself off as he rolled onto his side, his back facing her. It was a clear dismissal, but he couldn't get rid of her that easily. 

She walked up to the bed, kicking away the clothes and items on the floor as she went. It was hard to navigate in the darkness, but it only took her a few moments to reach it and sit down heavily. 

She reached out and put a hand on his arm, feeling him tremble slightly under her fingers. 

“They’re worried about you, you know.” Suguha said. Her breath hitched and her eyes filled with tears, and she tightened her grip on him. He still didn't look at her. 

“I’m worried. I miss you so much,” She cried, letting the tears trail down her cheeks. The trembling increased and he tensed, turning his head just enough for them to make eye contact. His dark eyes were no different from earlier, dull in the small amount of moonlight that entered the room through the cracked-open window. The only difference was that they were brimming with unshed tears. 

Almost immediately he looked away, curling into himself. She hadn't noticed before, but from the corner of her eye, she saw his hand retreat from the air by her side, as if he was about to reach out to her. 

She released his arm and clasped her hands in her lap, sniffling and staring intently at them. She shifted in her seat a bit, resisting the urge to glance back at him. A tear fell and she hastily wiped it away. 

“Kazuto-” She began, clearing her throat. “Kirito,” She waited a moment before continuing. “would you at least say something?”

He stayed silent for a long time, and she was almost ready to leave when finally, “...What do you want me to say?”

It was quiet, barely audible, but Sugu heard, and it filled her with relief in spite of the words that he had spoken at all. She couldn't contain herself any longer. She threw herself over him, enveloping him in a tight hug. He jumped and looked at her, startled, but didn't move as she wrapped her arms around him. 

Tentatively, he reached around her and held her loosely, then as tight as he could, squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face in her hair. 

“Why don't you talk to me anymore?” She sniffled, and the arms around her loosened the slightest bit. He didn't answer. 

She lifted herself from his chest to look down at him. His head was tilted away from her, half-lidded eyes focusing on the wall across the room, messy black hair trying to hide his face from view. 

She felt her bottom lip tremble but she couldn't stop the sob from rising. 

She hung her head, hair falling as a barrier between the two. The tears fell from her cheeks onto his clothes, but no one moved.

She sat back onto his legs and tried to wipe her face, but the tears continued. In one last futile attempt, she exploded.

“I'm going to tell them about it!” She cried, and only then did Kazuto’s sharp gaze fall on her. 

“You promised you wouldn't,” He said, voice hard.

“Yeah, well, maybe I regret that now.” She responded indignantly, sticking her chin up and staring him down despite the tears running down her face. Kazuto sat up, shifting so she would get off of him. 

“Suguha,” He said, voice dangerously low. “I swear if you tell them I’ll-”

“You'll what?” She challenged. His eyes flitted rapidly between hers, and she knew she had won this time. 

She sniffed and climbed off the bed, and he sat up straighter, eyes following her every move. Once she was on the ground, she stood as straight as she could, her back to him. 

“They're going to find out sooner or later, you know.” She said, voice steady. She was about to leave when her phone beeped in her pocket. She took it out and glanced at the message, then looked back at Kazuto from the corner of her eye. He was staring at his twitching hands, and she felt her heart squeeze. There was nothing left for her to do right now, though.

She walked out of the room and shut the door. 

And if she heard him scramble out of bed, search through his drawers, and escape through the window? Well…

Well. 

She pulled her phone back out and responded to the message. 

“This has to end,” She promised herself.

….

Kazuto walked through the empty park, his dark clothes and jacket blending into the darkness of the night. He walked until he saw his bench up ahead, and he burrowed further into the jacket and fisted his shaking hands inside his pockets, closing them around the small cardboard box. 

He sat down speedily and immediately took out the box. His breath came fast and uneven as he put up his hood, just in case, and reached for the box. His trembling hands reached inside and extracted a shiny silver blade. 

He studied it for a moment with wide eyes, the edge glinting the light cast by the streetlamp right above the bench. In less than a second, he hunched over, pulling back his sleeve to uncover dozens of tiny criss-cross scars littering his wrist, and positioned the blade to make another. He took a deep breath, staring at the blade unblinking, feeling almost giddy, wild. 

He pushed it in, just the tip, and watched as the blood -his blood- pooled around the injury. He was mesmerized, and, with an unsteady smile, prepared to pull the blade through his skin-

“...Kirito?”

He jumped, the razor cutting deeper and longer than intended, but he ignored it, hastily pulling down his sleeve and jumping up from the bench. Hiding his hand in his pocket he looked around. 

A figure emerged from the darkness down the path, and he recognized Klein’s silhouette approaching. 

“K-Klien,” He said, trying to seem as normal as possible. 

The man kept walking until they were face to face under the light. Klien looked hesitant, eyes flitting up and down Kirito’s body. 

Kirito himself stared at Klein’s shoes, unable to look at him directly. 

“...You're shaking.” Klein said, eyes settling on Kirito’s face. 

“It's cold,” He responded defensively, and for a moment the two were silent. Klein staring the boy in the eye, and Kirito staring holes into the man's shoes.

Kirito felt his blood drip down his hand and soak into the pocket of his jacket, and he turned around, ready to dart away. 

“I-I have to go-”

“Wait!” Klein grabbed him by the wrist and spun him around. Kirito gasped in pain as his arm was roughly handled and his hands slipped out of his pockets, dropping the razor onto the concrete. Klein immediately let go and looked down at his palm, stained red with blood. 

Kirito took advantage of that second Klein was distracted and bolted past Klein and down the path, cradling his hand to his chest. 

“Kirito!” Klein rushed after him, chasing him into the wooded area he had come from.

His feet pounded into the pavement, carrying him as fast as he could go, and yet he heard Klein’s footfalls getting closer and closer. It was moments like these when he was reminded that he may have been a ‘hero’ in SAO, but here in the real world, He was just a teenager while Klein was a full-grown adult. It was clear who had the advantage here. 

His heart pounded in his chest, eyes wide with panic, and before he realized was he was doing, he threw himself off the path and ran into the woods. He could barely hear Klein running behind him over the blood rushing in his ears, and he swerved to avoid running into a large oak tree in his way. 

“Kirito!” Klein shouted again, and Kirito thought that maybe he would actually be able to lose him, that he would run home and lock the doors and-

And then what?

His foot caught on a root and jerked him to an immediate stop, and he fell on his hands and knees. A branch snapped upwards and hit him in the face, nearly hitting his eye, but he didn't react, just stared at the ground, gasping for breath. 

He heard Klein rush to his side and without hesitation the man fell to his knees beside him and grabbed him by the shoulders, jerking him up so he was kneeling.

They stared each other in the eye, Klein’s hands gripping Kirito’s shoulders tight. Kirito let himself go limp, eyed dropping to Klein’s chin when he couldn't look him in the eye any longer. 

“Kirito…” Klein whispered, voice shaking, and without warning he pulled the boy roughly to his chest, wrapping his arms tight around him. Kirito’s arms hung limp at his sides, not even trying to reciprocate the hug.

Klein’s arms scrambled at his back, one hand going to cradle Kirito’s head, the other trying to grab onto him as tight as he possibly could, as if he were scared that if he held on too loose, the boy would find a way to slip away. 

He put his head on top of Kirito’s hair, reminding Kirito of Sugu earlier, and he squeezed his eyes shut, grabbing the edges of Klein’s brown coat and twisting his hands into them, but not daring to move any closer. 

Kirito surprised them both when a loud, ugly sob ripped from his throat. He buried his face into Klein’s chest, and the elder only held him tighter. The floodgates had opened, and soon Kirito found it hard to breathe between his cries. He fisted his hands into Klein’s shirt and lifted himself, but the thought of letting go didn't even cross his mind. 

Klein let him raise his head, cupping his cheek and wiping his tears with one hand, the other staying rested on his back.

Kirito gasped and cried, Klein soothing him through until all that was left was sniffles and the occasional hiccup. 

He brushed dark hair from the boy's forehead, and Kirito fell forward into him, exhausted. A migraine was starting to build up in his temples, and he burrowed further into the other man’s clothes. 

“Kirito, you- your cheek is bleeding.” 

Kirito shifted so his face was uncovered and reached up to touch his cheek, his fingers coming back red. 

He frowned and buried his face back into Klein’s shirt, and the older man chuckled. 

“Ok, wait a minute. C’mon,” He pushed him back and looked around for a moment before picking up a leaf from the ground beside them and brought it up to Kirito’s face, dabbing and wiping at the cut clumsily. 

Kirito looked up at him, eyes incredulous. “Seriously?” He asked, the corners of his mouth twitching into a hesitant smile. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you have a miniature hospital I don't know about in your pocket we could use instead?”

Kirito snorted and rolled his eyes, and Klein gave up, dropping the leaf and wiping at the cut with his finger, which only resulted in the blood spreading. 

“Hmmm.“ Klein hummed, looking at his handiwork. 

“Never do that again,”

“Yeah, not gonna happen.”

“It’ll probably get infected because of you,”

“It’ll be an improvement.”

Kirito chuckled, adverting his eyes and leaning away from him. Absently, his hand went to rub his opposite wrist over his sleeve, and Klein’s eye’s followed the movement. He reached for it, slowly so Kirito saw what he was doing, but the movement seemed to be subconscious because the second Klein’s hand wrapped around his wrist, Kirito’s eyes widened and he jerked back. Klein’s hand wrapped all the way around his small wrist and he looked the boy in the eye, completely serious. 

Tensely, Kirito watched as Klein used both hands, one to loosely hold him in place, the other carefully peeling back his sleeve. The cut he had made was red and inflamed, standing out against the other white lines covering his arm. 

Kirito’s hand shook as Klein looked down at it, unmoving and unspeaking. 

Klein suddenly climbed to his feet, letting go of Kirito’s hand and rubbing his own together.

“Klein…?” Kirito asked, insecure, falling back onto his behind and looking up at the man with wide eyes. 

Klein smiled at him and held out his hand, helping him to his feet. He wrapped his arm around Kirito’s shoulders, leading him back the way they came. 

“It’s pretty late, we should be going home.”

Kirito looked up at him, and Klein tilted his head and smiling back at him reassuringly. 

He looked back down at his hands and leaned into the man's side. Klein rubbed his shoulder comfortingly, rocking them back and forth as they walked down the path. 

“...I’m sorry,” Kirito said quietly, ducking his head. Klein ruffled his hair but didn't say a word. 

This may have been progress, but he knew that this was only the beginning.


End file.
